Embodying Tarot's Queen of Cups (Without Becoming a Total Doormat)
image: a black person with long wavy hair and brown skin looking up and smiling in a pale blue workout outfit.
Did you know Collective Cartomancy was originally called Queer Queen of Cups?
Well, it was. I changed the name about ten years ago when I began to socially transition. I felt like people would see me as a woman if I kept it.
And being seen as a woman, even by those I kept close, was very hard for me at that time. I felt complex and tender about these encounters. I was in a very vulnerable place.
Tarot is a tool that sees us in our fullness. That's part of its strength.
Regardless of how I've tried to change or navigate it, I generally show up to my deck as the Queen of Cups.
After all that negotiation, I'm still a queenie Jersey fem. Not much I can do about that.
My relationship with the Queen of Cups as an archetype reminds me of some of my best parts. I'm an experienced psychic, an award-winning poet, and quiet as it's kept, a natural sweetie pie.
Am I a Pisces? You know I am—Sun and Venus!
But the Queen of Cups is also a useful reminder of some of my worst traits. Being sweet can mean you're a pushover, a doormat. It can mean you're too quick to fight fires you didn't light, or clean up someone else's messes.
You can become a people pleaser. That usually accompanies a tendency towards playing the victim in two person dynamics.
What to do about this, my fellow fishy friends and friends of fishes? As Beth Ditto once said, "listen up!"
Everyone exists as more than one archetype. Yet leaning strategically into one at certain point can help us unlock its magic in our lives.
Now gather round and I will share my tips for embodying the Queen of Cups without letting people walk all over you. Feel free to add yours in the comments!
Mine include:
1. Don't Volunteer First
2. Assume People Are Who They Show You They Are
3. Your Friends, Lovers, and Family Members are Grown People
Here we go!
1. Don't Volunteer First
People moving in the Queen of Cups archetype are helpers. They hate to see anyone in pain, or without what they need to be comfortable.
This can be the kind of person that donates to cat shelters. This is the person who babies and dogs love.
Over time, living beings can come to rely on the Queen of Cups' giving nature. This doesn't always mean they value it, or reciprocate.
Therein lies the problem. People begin to expect those moving in the energy of the Queen of Cups to give, give, give.
To make matters worse, the Queen of Cups person tends to give 'til it hurts. Then they give some more.
All this giving can leave the Queen of Cups person burnt the fuck out, or just burned.
People love to take advantage of the Queen of Cups. They don't always realize it, so they can't always stop it.
A good way to counteract this, I find, is to wait a second before volunteering your help.
Wait a second, and consider what you have going on, your history with the person asking, and what you want. Are you expecting this person to give back? Are you trying to prove your worth?
Check for your own ulterior motives, and theirs too, before jumping into helper mode.
2. Assume People Are Who They Show You They Are
The Queen of Cups is kind hearted. This isn't to say folks moving in their energy can never be mean, or sharp tongued--we're all human.
Yet at their core, they believe in the capacity of people to change. Unfortunately, they may believe this even when their intuition tells them otherwise.
People who move in the energy of the Queen of Cups often fall for people in trouble. They may be going through difficulty in their life, or have had a rough past.
The Queen of Cups is happy to look past that, which can be an admirable quality. It's not admirable when that person is using that hard time against you.
If someone isn't treating you right, and can't be accountable for their actions, you're not doing anyone any favors by sticking around.
One of the challenges of the Queen of Cups archetype is to learn when enough is enough. Everyone has flaws, but we can't disregard them all. We have to address problems when they arise, even if it's uncomfortable.
When someone is consistently nasty, snide, or competative with you, that's y'alls dynamic. It's not a fluke if it happens every time you see them, babes.
The Queen of Cups has to learn the difference between a close friend and a nearby enemy.
3. Your Friends, Lovers, and Family Members are Grown People
Ok, but read the heading again. Your friends, lovers, and family members are GROWN PEOPLE!
Unless they are children, they can do for themselves. When you do things for adults that they can do for themselves, you rob them of their opportunities to learn.
Let your loved ones fuck up. Let them make mistakes without you rushing in to help.
This can be very hard for people who embody the Queen of Cups on the regular! We can want to swoop in and help. This is not as loving as it seems.
Think of all the lessons you leanred through your mistakes. Think of all the lessons you learned with no one giving you advice.
You may not need to be the fixer, but can you be the listener instead? If your love looks like enabling bad behavior, is it self-loving?
Consider when you're not needed. Consider what you don't have the desire or time to give. Nobody is bending over backwards for you. Why do you think you need to bend over backwards for them?
The Queen of Cups folks are the embodiment of the "Girl, stand up!" meme. Sometimes I look in the mirror like "if you don't get yo ass!"
And I must! It keeps me in check. It preserves enough energy in my life for other things that enrich me more.
Sometimes you gotta save some for yourself. When the Queen of Cups folks learn how to do that...
Well, we'll just have to see lol.
Further Thoughts
Five of Cups, Five of Swords: Two Sides of Shame
Living in Our Feelings: Rereading Tarot’s Cups
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hey, i'm cyree jarelle. I run Collective Cartomancy. I help queers, feminists, and leftists connect with their intuition using tarot and cartomancy. More on me.