Houses & Husbands: Working with Saint Joseph
Let Jesus’ step-daddy help you out! He definitely helped me!
So, I’ve lived with housing insecurity since I was just a little kid, and though I’m a member of the professional class now (maybe semi-professional, it’s yet to be seen) I still run into housing shines from time to time.
A few years ago, I got harassed for being a conspicuous freak in my old apartment building. It was the second time it had happened in as many months. I had to move out, suddenly terminating my lease.
Of course, things couldn’t be that easy because that would be fair and just and then landlords wouldn’t be able to exploit us! So, naturally, my ability to be safe was dependent on my landlord protecting his investment. Namely, I could only get out of my lease if someone took the apartment.
Enter Saint Joseph. Honestly, he’s a really nice guy. Patron saint of workers. Finder of good husbands. Seller of houses, and in my case, renter of overpriced Brooklyn apartments.
Saint Joseph is generally associated with homeowners, but I doubt he’ll leave us landless millennials to suffer without his care. Here’s how I modified traditional Saint Joseph work to help me as a renter.
Saint Joseph, like many saints, does his work quickly and well. Just remember to put him in a prominent place in your new home and share the news of his good works with as many people as you can (like I’m doing right now ;))
Saint Joseph Tenant Helper
2 yellow candles
Saint Joseph Oil (Saint oils are hard to make at home. Store bought is fine!)
A bucket
A mop
A houseplant
A saint joseph prayer card
At least 2 weeks
Ok, first make a space to talk to Saint Joseph. You’re probably under duress, so don’t stress if it’s not what you wish it was. This is just the set up. Fix your candle and add the Saint Joseph oil. Pray to Saint Joseph from your heart and propose working together. THIS IS NOT WHEN YOU ASK SAINT JOSEPH FOR WHAT YOU WANT! This is the interview. Not all entities want to work with you. Don’t force it.
Take a day or three to interpret the signs you’re getting. Do some divining on it with your method of choice.
If the answer is yes, wash the floor in the apartment you need to rent out with water heated on the stove and a bit of the Saint Joseph oil.
Fix a second candle with the Saint Joseph oil. Light it. Offer some bread. Pray this prayer.
Generally to sell a house, you would bury Saint Joseph upside down in the yard, then dig it up once the deal has closed. But you’re a renter, so you’ll have to use a houseplant. I put his prayer card upside down in a potted plant and told him before I did it that I had him in this uncomfortable spot until my apartment was rented, and that when it did I would dig him out and put him in a place of pride in my new home.
Keep the plant in your old apartment for as long as you can. I had to bring it to my new apartment eventually–it still worked just in time!
Dig up Saint Joseph and THANK HIM PROFUSELY FOR SAVING YOU THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS!! No seriously, thank you so much Saint Joseph! He really got me out of a bad situation!
Put him in a place of pride! Thank him often. He deserves!
Some people do a novena, but I did not because my timeline was very short. Let me know if you have questions!
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